I've talked about my relationship with a married man and what a disaster my first foray into love was. The entire time I told myself that I was listening to my heart. I was being brave and fighting for the love that I felt. I was going against what everyone else was saying to me because of that wonderful thing called listening to my heart.
It was all a lie.
My heart wanted to be loved fully and completely. My heart wanted to be put first and made to feel special. My heart was ready for commitment, to be a family with someone, to hear that a forever was possible. My heart wanted a ring, my heart wanted a wedding, my heart wanted my love to stand in front of the world and say how much he loved me and how proud he was to be mine.
My heart was screaming for all of that.
It didn't get a damn thing.
I wasn't listening to my heart, I was listening to my insecurities in the guise of heart-speak. My insecurities wanted someone in my life, it didn't matter who or how they treated me. They wanted attention no matter how or why it was given. They wanted to feel less alone, at least sometimes. They were needy and clingy and as long as I was being kissed and cuddled they'd sell out my heart in a heartbeat.
"My heart doesn't love you. My insecurities do."
That was basically what it boiled down to. It was easier to listen to my insecurities than to listen to my heart speak. I betrayed my beautiful beating heart, I ignored its voice by telling everyone (and sometimes myself) that it was happy, that it was getting everything it wanted. I never want to make that mistake again.
What does your heart want?
Really, really, really?
Are there any situations where you're letting your insecurities speak over your heart? Are you remaining true to what it wants even if it speaks softly and timidly?
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