Winter Self Care

For as long as I can remember Autumn and Winter have been my favorite seasons. My childhood is full of wonderful winter memories. In the two houses I lived in growing up, I picked the coldest rooms, the remodeled attic and then basement. It was always freezing in the winter time and I loved it, often keeping my window cracked for even more blissful cold air.

Some of my favorite memories are of being snuggled up with a ton of blankets, a book in my hands, and a hot cup of cocoa. That was bliss to teenage Dominee.

Now I effin' hate winter.

I know, it makes me sad too. It happened gradually. I went from living up north in a state that had those idyllic snowy winters to a southern state where ice is more common than snow and it's really really windy. And brown and bleak looking. And kinda depressing. I'm just not into winter anymore. It used to be all about the magic of snowflakes and snowball fights and holidays. Now I just hate getting out of bed in the morning because it's cold out there and bed is so nice and warm. Ahh, bed. Maybe I'm just getting old.

I have noticed that winter is a time for more self care.

Not only does it make the winter blues go away a little bit, but it also adds another layer to the season. Time for me. I do find ways to enjoy winter even though it's no longer my favorite. I wanted to share with you some winter-specific ways to add self care into your life. ((If you want even more self care info, check out the 2014 Self Love Planner. It just came out today!))

Seek Warmth

All over. Emotionally and physically. Drink warm drinks like tea and hot chocolate and enjoy the time relaxing and sip sip sipping as the warmth seeps into your hands and moves through you. Buy extra warm socks or slippers to wear around the house. I have cow socks. They are awesome. Have a favorite blanket and wrap it around yourself (Neon blue leopard-print for the win!). Curl up on the sofa and watch your favorite childhood movies and enjoy the memories. Make a corn cozie to warm your feet before bed.

Pamper Your Body

Winter and your lovely skin don't always coexist well. Am I the only one that gets really itchy legs? Lotion and moisturizers are your friend. Use them. Especially if you take lots of hot baths like me. If your lips have a tendency to get dry, use lip balm. Protect your body with warm coats and gloves and scarfs. Your body is awesome. Keep it warm and safe.

Embrace the Concept of Hibernation

We might not be able to gorge ourselves on food and then sleep for weeks at a time but there is something to be said for turning your focus inside of yourself and towards your home, that sacred magical place where you lay your head each night. What makes you happy there? What makes it a place you want to come home to each day? Create a cozy atmosphere for yourself and then sit back and enjoy it.

Reconnect With Yourself and Others

One of the cornerstones of self care is Connection With Self. Spending time with yourself, doing the things that you enjoy, and loving every minute of it. Read a good book, spend time drawing or working on a puzzle, or crocheting or one of the many things that you enjoy doing. Reach out and take the time to connect with the people around you in a real way. Spend time in conversation. Real heart-to-heart conversation.

Do What Makes You Happy

At the end of the day, the best self care is the kind that makes you happy. Sit outside and enjoy the cold. Sit by the fire and enjoy the heat. Take lots of photos of your personal Winter Wonderland. Go to sleep early or stay up late watching snowflakes fall in the darkness. Winter is what you make of it!

What is your Winter Self Care Routine?

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You have permission to be a Scrooge.

You have permission to be a Scrooge. Okay, maybe that's a little harsh because the last thing I want is to see you on the evening news running through a department store yelling "Bah! Humbug!" But - you are allowed not to buy into the holiday cheer. You are allowed to treat the holidays like normal days.You are allowed to celebrate in a soft and quiet way. You are allowed to preserve your energy and not spend it on cooking large dinners, or spending hours shopping, or driving yourself crazy trying to find the perfect gift, or decking the halls with boughs of holly.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

If you want to bake cookies by the dozen, decorate your house like Santa's workshop, and make a Thanksgiving feast that makes Martha Stewart look like an amateur, that's awesome. But it's not a standard that you have to live up to if you don't want to.
Do what makes you happy.

I don't particularly like the holidays.

When I first moved out of my Mom's house, I was so excited to do my own holiday thing, to make my own traditions, and to have a wonderful time doing it. I quickly learned that I liked my Mom doing holiday stuff for me, I didn't care to do it myself! Ha! It became something I was forcing myself to do because that's just how people celebrate holidays, that's what I was supposed to do. It made me unhappy. It stressed me out and I never had much fun, and I tried to, I really did, because it was supposed to be fun. You shouldn't have to try so hard. Over the years even putting up the Christmas tree became a chore. Secret: it hasn't left my closet in two years and I'm okay with that.

The holidays are about enjoyment, love, family, and warm fuzzies.

It doesn't take all the trimmings to get into the holiday spirit. My ideal holiday celebration involves relaxing, watching a few holiday flicks, listening to a bit of Christmas music and consuming hot chocolate. The people I love get gift cards, and they still know that I love them, because I show it all the other days of the year.

Energy is limited, spend it where it needs spending.

Pay attention to where your energy is leading you this holiday season. Don't run yourself ragged trying to be or do it all. Get things done early and don't wait until the last minute. Learn to say no to the things that don't make your heart feel good.

This is a time for celebration. Celebrate.

In your own way, doing your own thing, with the people who make your life awesome. Don't lose the spirit of the holiday because you're stuck on the image of what you or your family expect you to be.

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Loving All Of Yourself

I've been pretty open about my past. I was not a good person. I was a liar and a manipulator. I was depressed all of the time. I was mean and hateful to myself and others and all of these behaviors were hiding a lot of pain and a lot of depression and an overwhelming feeling of helplessness to change my situation.

I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of.

I have abused my body. I have verbally and mentally abused the people around me. I've had anger issues out the wazoo. I have wasted years of my life by living a life that was not nourishing to me.

I talk a lot of talk about loving yourself and about loving exactly who you are. It's important. It was the thing that was missing for me during that dark period of my life. Loving all of you actually means loving all of you, past, present, and future. That's something that I struggled with and I didn't even realize it until now.

How do you love someone like that?

I usually tell PastDominee's story and then promptly stuff her back in the closet once she has taught the lesson of the cost of living life without self love. It never occurred to me to love her. Or that there was anything about her that was worth loving. She was an obstacle to get over in the quest of truly loving myself. Not part of the journey. It became normal to dislike her, to despise her, and see her as nothing but a cautionary tale of how not to be.

I was explaining to a new friend the idea behind Blessing Manifesting and my journey to get where I am. They said something very poignant to me. "I wouldn't have liked you. I'm glad you're not that person anymore." That comment rubbed me the wrong way. Part of me immediately wanted to protest.

I am that person. She's still part of me.

If that thought was true, that she was still part of me, and I disliked her, was I truly loving my whole self? That thought stuck with me for a few days, rattling around in my head. I started to pull PastDominee out of the closet and examine her closely. How did I really feel about her? Somewhere along the way I'd stopped being compassionate and started being judgmental and critical.

I realized that I do love her.

Which is the only thing she ever really wanted. I don't agree with her actions. I am sad that it took her so long to find the will to change, I'm even a little resentful of the things that she lost along the way. Still, at the end of the day, she wasn't too much different from who I am now. The core is the same.

I love her because no matter how long it took her to change, change she did.

I love her because even though she hated everything about herself she eventually found a way to love it.

I love her because no matter how hopeless she was, she never gave up on herself or life.

I love her because her experience turned into a story of beautiful transformation.

If you have a past you aren't proud of, don't write off the past you as worthless. She brought you to where you are today. She made sure that you survived.

That's beautiful.

What are your feelings toward PastYou? Do you ever resent your former self for things you did?

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Self Care is Essential For Introverts

I know, I know, I'm supposed to be taking a blogging break in October... but... I just can't help myself sometimes.

So along with this whole blogging break thing I've been trying to unfurl my wings a little bit.

I've decided to try dating.

Talk about energy vortex. Draining, draining, draining. I am an introvert. An introvert gets their energy from being alone. Solitude and quiet gives us a chance to rest and replenish our energy so that we can be bright and shiny. Extroverts are the opposite, they get their energy from being around people and going out. That's what makes them feel good.

Introverts get the bad reputation of being the anti-social weirdo that's hiding out in their parent's basement. That's not a true representation (most of the time. No offense to my weirdos). I've been called a hermit and a shut-in, but the truth is, I like hanging out with people (really I do!). I like enjoying another person's company... in doses... when it doesn't cut into my time for me. This doesn't mean I'm abnormal or that anything is wrong with me.

What it does mean is that I have to pay attention to my energy and what I can give to other people. The past week, I've been thinking about self care and how it relates to being an introvert. When I honor my introvert and do the things that nourish that part of me it makes an amazing difference in my life. No more feeling run down and stretched thin and drained when I don't need to be. Here's what I've learned about self care + introverts.

Learn to say "no".

This one is hard to learn but it gets easier with practice. Remember that you don't have go out or meet up or hang out. If you aren't feeling it, don't do it, and don't feel bad about honoring those feelings! Work on saying "no" and saying it right away. If someone invites you to something and you don't want to go, say no! Don't say you'll think about it. Chances are you'll feel guilty about making them wait for an answer so you'll just suck it up and go and wish you were home reading the entire time. That's no fun for anyone.

Be aware of what you need.

Know when it's time to take a step back from immersing yourself in the company of others. Learn what signals your mind and body are giving you when it's time to schedule in some "me time". You might start feeling tired and overwhelmed from social situations. You might get anxious about losing time you want to spend on non-social activities. It's okay to honor those feelings and be flexible with what's going on around you.

Learn what recharges you. 

As I've said before, self care is different for everyone. It's that thing that you do that takes care of you and makes you feel good. What things make you feel better after you've expended your energy with other people? What fills up your inner reserves? Do those things. Spend time with your best friend or partner. Spend time alone. Spend time in quiet solitude or jam out to music. Do the things that pull you back together and inside of yourself.

Don't compare yourself to extroverts. 

Extroverts make it look easy don't they? They are the social butterflies that love attention and conversation. They go out all of the time and they make creating new friendships look as easy as breathing. I'm over here like "I replied to four e-mails today and talked on the phone for 10 minutes. I'm worn out, where's my cave?" Don't stress the fact that you aren't that person that makes the whole social interaction thing look like a breeze. There's nothing wrong with you and  there are other introverts out there just like you and they're awesome too. 

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? What things nourish your introverted energy?

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Are you performing psychological necromancy?

Thank you Dresden Files for this wonderful phrase. Psychological necromancy. What's it mean?

Reviving old memories and emotions and using them to torture yourself.

We drudge them up from where they've been buried in the past and we give them new life. Sometimes it's an accident, sometimes a bad mood triggers it, sometimes we just want to drudge it up to punish ourselves for the mistakes we've made.

I am a huge believer in the wisdom of the past. It has so many things to teach us about our behavior and about how far we've come. The past is a story that we can read to learn a lesson. Sometimes we need to read it twice (or more) for the moral of the story to sink in and for us to truly learn from it.

We learn the lesson but we keep reading the story.  

We've changed the behavior, made amends or attempted to, learned the consequences of those actions, and yet we still relive them in our minds. We replay events in our heads, wondering about the what-ifs and should-haves but thinking those things does nothing but turn those memories into brain eating zombies.

There's no use to it, nothing good comes out of it, and at the end of the day all you're left with is a bad mood and a burden of regrets.

The past is meant to be learned from, it's a map of where we've been. We get to cross those places off on the map with the knowledge that there are better places ahead and we are better equipped to handle them. Drudging stuff up after the fact is just no good.

The ABCs of combating psychological necromancy.  

Accept that the past does not define you. You get to make better choices. You get to rise above it and be something better than what you were.

Be in the present and remind yourself where your path is leading you and where you are going. Ground yourself firmly in the present and in the now.

Commit to actively working through it. When gunk from the past crops up, ask it what it has to teach you, look at the situation and ask yourself if there's anything you have left to learn. If the answer is nothing then commit to mindfully moving past these thoughts and feelings.

How do you deal with those yucky feelings and emotions from the past?

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Don't Put Your Happiness In One Basket

Are you guilty of pinning all of your happiness on one thing? That thing goes wrong or it doesn't go your way and suddenly life just sucks? *raises hand* I am guilty as charged but I am trying to do better.

Just because one thing sucks doesn't mean everything has to suck.

That was an amazing lesson for me to learn that I discovered through SARK's Glad No Matter What. Just because you are sad about one thing doesn't mean that you can't be happy about other things. You don't have to let your emotions bully you into feeling only one thing. You get to be in control, you get to tell 'em what's-what's.

It's all about balance and compartmentalizing your feelings and emotions. 

If you are upset about a relationship it doesn't have to bleed into your happiness about your business or vice-versa. I've gotten into tough spots with friends and suddenly all of the happiness gets sucked out of me no matter what else is going on in my life, regardless of the other things that could and should be making me happy. I ignore them and allow one situation to dictate whether or not I'm happy.

Other times I'll be feeling a bit wibbly-wobbly about my business and then I stop noticing what great friends I have, how much I like my other job, and how amazing life is in general.

Your happiness isn't contingent on one thing.

Remember that, even when it's hard to remember, even when one thing goes wrong and you're tempted to let it ruin your day. You are allowed to be happy and sad. You are allowed to be happy and upset or happy and angry. Allow your emotions to coexist with one another instead of letting one beat the other over the head until it goes away.

Do you have trouble allowing your emotions to co-exist?

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Remember Where You've Been

As you may or may not know, I celebrated my birthday, the big 28th last month! My mind keeps reminding me... only two more years until 30, as if something important is supposed to happen then.

I'll be an old spinster.

Hahaha, I know, I know 30 isn't that old, it just feels like I should have something accomplished by then, something important, something big.

It's been a whole decade since I became an adult. In a personal capacity I can't say I've gone very far... ((I just wrote that and started giggling... silly Dominee)) Okay, let me rephrase that, traditionally in a personal capacity I haven't gone very far. No serious relationships, I live in a one bedroom apartment, I haven't even had any pets aside from goldfish. By the standard of my peers, who are married with kids and houses by now, I'm leagues behind.

However when I look at the mental and emotional progress I've made, I want to weep with appreciation for how far I've come. I am a completely different person from who I used to be, and while you can't measure that in a traditional sense, I am still uber proud of myself.

I have come so far.

It's a huge lesson to me in not comparing my journey to anyone else's because you can't measure success by looking on the outside. I think that's a good reminder for us all. We can't use someone else's success as a tool to put ourselves down or makes us feel badly about our lives.

Judge where you are by how far you've come.

We each have a different path and to judge ourselves by someone else's journey is just silliness. So I have an assignment for you: Acknowledge how far you've come from where you were. Acknowledge how many obstacles you've overcome in your life and be so proud that you're here today. Think about the worst thing that's happen to you. You were strong enough to get through it, you, you, were that strong.

You are so amazing.

Do you fall into the trap of comparison? How do you deal with it?

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Self Help Isn't A Dirty Word

A lot of people have mixed reactions about the term self help or self improvement. I embrace them.

Wouldn't it be great if we could all rely on each other and speak honestly about the things that we work on?

Instead, when we work on our "stuff" we often do it in silence, without allowing ourselves to seek out a support system, without being open about our process, and without openly acknowledging how much bravery we have to embark on that path.

I had someone tell me that if I really loved myself then I wouldn't bother with self improvement. Wishing to improve or change myself meant that I wasn't accepting myself as is.

That's just silly. You can still love something and wish to improve it.

Yourself included. I love my toes. Wishing to paint the nails bright pink to improve how they look doesn't mean I don't love my toes. I LOVE MY TOES!

I think it would just be really great if we could open up, show people that we don't all have our shit together, be vulnerable and real and honest and say "This is how I am helping myself. Support me in this process."

Instead of judgement we provide an ear, a shoulder, or a hug.

Self help is a really hard process, especially without a support system! It doesn't have to be that way, it doesn't have to be such a hard process. We can ask for support, we can have accountability partners, we can ask for what we need. It is my goal to continue to share my journey with you while encouraging you to start your own. I'd love to hear about your relationship with self help/self improvement.

Do you utilize self help to change things in your life? Do you feel supported in the process? Does self help work for you?

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Emotional Breakdown

Hey lovely face.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching and emotional work. (See: Unraveled) One of the things I've been working on is naming and identifying my emotions, breaking them down, and seeing what other emotions are hiding underneath that.

Have you ever been upset and you don't know what the emotion is?

Or you think that you're feeling one emotion but it really turns out it's covering for something else?

That's the thing about emotions sometimes they aren't all that straightforward. Jealousy can mask itself as anger, shame can mask itself as sadness. Sometimes there's a primary emotion that's then covered by a secondary one, one that's easier to deal with.

When you identify your emotions it allows you to cope and manage them better. 

I've been practicing saying "I am feeling ______ because _____."

Seriously, it works! Speaking it out loud is much more powerful that just thinking it in your head and it gets more results, and it allows you to uncover those real emotions that are lurking underneath the surface. It allows you to observe what you are feeling as well as put it into perspective.

I then look at my response to that emotion. "I am feeling ____ because ____ and it makes me want to ____."

I then look at that behavior and it further flushes out the emotion, lets me see where or who I am directing it. That initial action that I want to take is usually something that won't help me in the big scheme of things, such as saying something mean or laying in bed and crying all day.

So I further break down what I'm feeling.

"I'm feeling ____ because _____ and it makes me want to ______ but instead I will _____."

The last blank is something helpful and productive, usually involving self care, or sometimes it's a conversation that needs to be had or actions that need to be taken. That one sentence allows me to acknowledge what I'm feeling, accept what I'm feeling, and deal with what I'm feeling all in one, honest, simple sentence.

That's my formula for breaking down emotions, allowing me to deal with them in a productive way.

Do you have a system for dealing with your emotions?

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What Do You Stand For?

Am I the only one that likes listening to loud, upbeat music first thing in the morning? It helps me enjoy getting ready for work. I was listening to Fun's Some Nights and singing along, loudly and off-key of course. When I got hit by the lyrics, in that way, as it happens with music because music speaks to the soul.

What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights I don't know anymore...

That part made me sad because it reminded me of a time when I didn't know what I stood for and when I'd know that things were wrong and I'd do them anyway because I didn't have a sense of my own self. 

When you don't know who you are, it's hard to know what you stand for.

When you know what your values are, and you act in a way that honors them, you stop being at war with who you truly are on the inside and how you decide to act. What things are important to you? What things make you feel guilty or at odds with yourself?

I have a challenge for you!

Make a list of five values that you stand by. 

What things are really important to you? What nourishes you and makes you feel good about yourself? How do you want to see yourself? How do you want others to see you?

I'd love to hear what your five main values are! Share 'em with me!

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An Extraordinary Ordinary Life

A week ago I was sitting with my friend and we were talking about Facebook envy.

In the past, before the internet, we usually made friends with the people around us, in our neighborhoods, with lives that were similar to ours. The houses looked similar, the people around us made the same amount of money, the kids all played together. How often would you have someone coming over to your house with a bag of polaroids from their trip around the world and the beach house in Maui they just bought?

Facebook changes all of that. We get an inside look at the lives of people all around the world who, without the internet, we'd never get to know. Which is such a crazy blessing, but it has it's downside now and then too.

We get to see pictures of those trips to India, the retreats in Bali, photo albums of the cherub-faced-angels that you never hear of misbehaving, the brand new house that overlooks the ocean and they all make it look so damn easy. If you're just an Average Joe (or Jane!) you might find yourself being a little discontent, wishing your life was more like that.

Facebook envy happens over those magical picturesque lives.

Suddenly you start to wonder if you can really be happy with your normal hum-drum life. The pile of dirty laundry calling your name, the screaming-fighting-in-need-of-a-bath-and-nap kids, the apartment that you can't even call your own because you're renting it, and vacations? Vacations are those stretches of time when you catch up on chores. Tropical vacations? Yeah, you wish.

Your life seems so far-removed from that picture of Facebook Happy.

Then there are the articles, websites, and blogs that tell you that you can have that life if you buy x, they have the secret and they are willing to tell it to you. Buying x can give you that ever elusive happiness. They have the recipe, just give them a few month's rent, stand on your head while speaking in Latin and sacrificing a few virgin princesses while you're at it and you can be happy and rich with a life just like theirs.

That mentality teaches us not to be happy with what we have and where we are.

I want to show you how to be happy in your ordinary life. I want to show you how to make your ordinary life extraordinary. I want to showcase all of those ordinary things that create happiness, because it can be found everywhere, for free even.

Every week I'm going to post an Extraordinary Ordinary Life tip. A simple, easy, reminder for you to do something ordinary and allow it to make your life extraordinary. Those simple joy that get overlooked, the things that make you smile... let's embrace them and love them and be grateful for them.

What ordinary things make your life extraordinary?

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If Only I Could Tell You...

How much you deserve to be happy.

I wish I could put into words, words that would wrap around you and sink into your skin, how much you deserve it.

If only those words would seep into the cracks created by your sadness and your pain, filling you with a light that would radiate from you. One that you wouldn't shy away from because you believe you're all shadows.

I wish you could see what I see in you.

If only I could tell you to stop wrapping your mistakes like a barrier around yourself that repels the kindness that the world gives back to you. For you are kind and good and all of the things that the world needs if only you'd see it, accept it, and be it.

If only I could tell you that happiness is there for the taking, given freely and waiting to be accepted if only you'd accept it. But you feel like it's something that you need to pay for and you're so far in debt already. Afraid that you'll take it and lose it and then where will you be?  Owing more than you can handle with no relief in sight. It's a burden you bear that could be shared if only you'd voice it.

If only I could tell you that happiness is something that you get to keep forever if you want it. It becomes part of your essence if you dare to believe it.

If only I could tell you to be brave, to grasp it, and never let go.

Simply because it's worth it, you're worth it, and happiness is yours. 

#randomthoughtsfrommybrain #wantedtobeshared #lovelettertoyou

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Couples Therapy

I talk about loving yourself a lot, but it's really not an easy process, depending on your starting point in the journey. If you are starting at rock-bottom, it's a pretty tedious, exhausting, terrifying process.

Think Frodo's journey to Mordor.

Love yourself. Two simple words and a whole lot of work. It's more than just doing nice things for yourself, it's more than having a positive attitude, it's a get-your-hands-dirty kind of job.

It's basically couples therapy.

Think about it! You're in a relationship  and you get called nasty names all of the time. Fat, ugly, useless, things like that. Whenever you make a mistake things get blown out of proportion and it's all your fault and piles of blame are heaped on top of you. You never go out and do things and tokens of love are nonexistent in your life. That sounds like a pretty crappy relationship doesn't it? But so often we have that kind of relationship with ourselves.

It's negative, abusive, and you get no nourishment from it.

It's really hard to turn that around and oftentimes it's a pretty intensive process and just like repairing any relationship, there are a few areas that you should concentrate on.

Communication
How do you communicate with yourself? What things do you tell yourself when you're upset and having a bad day? How often do you compliment yourself, your looks, and your achievements? This is one of the most important things that you need to work on when embarking on a journey of self love. Changing the way that you communicate with yourself and your body is the #1 game-changer.

Honoring Needs
When you're in a relationship it's a fine line to walk between making sure that your needs are met and meeting another person's needs. It's all about the give + take and making sure that you're not doing too much of one and too little of the other. In self-love you've got to balance your needs with what the world wants from you. If you need to say no to someone, honor that. If you need to relax, or take a vacation, or put yourself first, honor that as well.

Trust
You have to form a bond of trust with yourself and your choices. Get in touch with your intuition, trust yourself to know what is best and make the right decision. You may screw up sometimes but you work through it and you learn, and you make better decisions next time. Trust in yourself and your abilities to get you exactly where you need to be. You will fuck up, but you'll also rebuild the trust and do better next time. Support yourself and your dreams.

Acceptance
Above all, we want to be loved and accepted unconditionally. We want to know that when we accidentally muck it all up, everything will still be okay. When we turn that love and that acceptance on ourselves, oh how things begin to shift and transform in our lives. There's no more beating ourselves us, no more self-recrimination, just lovingly accepting that we make mistakes, that we can learn from them, and move on to be better and stronger people.

What do you think is a hot topic for self love?

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Date Thyself

Being the single lady that I am, over the years I've gotten used to going out and doing things on my own. I like going out on dates with myself and treating myself to little adventures. On Wednesday, I went and saw World War Z (because zombies are awesome) and I had a great time sitting by myself enjoying the movie.

I talked a little bit about it on Facebook and was happy to hear that a lot of other people like going out on solo dates as well, but some of you are still skeptical.

Chances are you're afraid of feeling awkward and looking weird.

That's totally okay, because you probably will feel awkward the first time and you might look weird, but weird is awesome because it encourages others to be weird and awesome too.

There are so many ideas for solo dates. You can go out to dinner, go out to the movies, go get a massage, or a manicure, or visit a museum. You can go to the bookstore and then to a coffee shop, or go look at art, or find good live music to listen to. Taking a trip to the park and enjoying writing blog posts used to be a favorite of mine!

Don’t let being alone intimidate you!

If you feel a little awkward about being alone bring along a book, notebook, sketchbook, a laptop, or a fully charged phone, it'll makes things a little bit easier, and if you start feeling awkward you can distract yourself. If you need a little bit of inspiration on the whole aloneness front CHECK OUT THIS VIDEO it's totally inspiring and after you watch it you'll feel pretty good about the going out alone thing. 

You can also have a stay-at-home date.

Cook yourself a great meal. Take a luxuriously long bath. Have a movie-marathon of your favorites or watch the newest release. Cuddle up with a good book. Make a cup of delicious tea. Sit outside on the porch and enjoy being alive.

For your date, get all dolled up, wear what makes you feel good and confident and sexy. Put on makeup or don’t, wear a dress or your favorite jammies, as long as you’re happy it’s all good. Think about buying yourself a new outfit or even new underwear. Never underestimate the feeling of absolute world-dominating power you can feel with some pretty, sexy, underoos.

What's your ideal date with yourself?

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My Favorite Self Love Quotes

Ya know, I love quotes. You totally knew that already didn't you? I love them because they are quick, easy, spoonfuls of wisdom that have the ability to go straight to the heart. Some quotes, just a few sentences strung together, can completely transform the way you see things or the way your mind connects with a situation.

Here are a few of my favorites.

If I could give you one key, and one key only to more abundant life, I would give you a sense of your own worth, an unshakeable sense of your own dignity as one grounded in the source of the cosmic dance, as one who plays a unique part in the unfolding of the story of the world... -- Greta Crosby

“It doesn’t matter whom you love or where you move from or to, you always take yourself with you. If you don’t know who you are, or if you’ve forgotten or misplaced her, then you’ll always feel as if you don’t belong. Anywhere.” ― Sarah Breathnach

“You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don't know it, all of that doesn't even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It's not like you have forever, so don't waste any of your seconds, don't throw even one of your moments away.” ― C. JoyBell C.

“There comes a point when you either embrace who and what you are, or condemn yourself to be miserable all your days. Other people will try to make you miserable; don't help them by doing the job yourself.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton

“Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.” ― Rae Smith

What are your favorite inspiration inducing quotes? Share 'em!

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Happy Positive Social Media

I have a pretty happy online life. I don't get bogged down in negativity or drama and most of the time, hanging out on Facebook and Twitter makes my day a little brighter. Then again, I know some pretty amazing people.

I want to show you how I do it and help you to do it too. Don't let Social Media bog you down and suck the life out of ya!

#1 Have awesome friends.

If you want to have an awesome social media experience, you have to surround yourself with awesome people. Don't just limit yourself to people you get to see every day or those folks from high school that you never talk to. Follow/Friend your favorite authors, bloggers, and people that inspire you or give you the giggles. (psst! You can find me here!)

#2 Don't feed the trolls.

A troll is an internet a-hole that likes to piss people off. Do. not. feed. the. trolls. Seriously. If you see an inflammatory post on your social media, or your blog, don't give it your time or attention. Delete it or ignore it. Believe me, it's not worth your time, you've got more important things to do, like living your happy shiny life and being a badass. Arguing with idiots accomplishes nothing.

#3 Utilize Facebook's Lists

Facebook has this "List" feature and it's awesome. Adding people to certain lists allows you to see certain people's posts, as well as share certain posts of yours with a select few people.

So how do you do it?

Say you want to make a list of a certain group of Awesome People. Go to https://www.facebook.com/bookmarks/lists and choose "Create A List". Once you create the list make sure to add it to your "Favorites" by clicking the little edit icon next to the name of your list. You can then see your list on the Facebook Homepage!

To add the Awesome People to the Awesome People List go to your friend's profile page, hover over the "Friends" tab and then click "Add to another list..."

Want to share something with only certain people? 

Facebook has you covered. Maybe you're going through a really tough time and don't want to share the details with everyone you know. Maybe you're afraid of judgement, or that the busybody you know if gonna spread your business everywhere. Share your status with the people you're comfortable sharing it with.

We all have that friend, you know, that friend. The one that posts the negative political stuff you're not a fan of, or pictures of abused animals that you're too sensitive to see, or the one that's always complaining about something. You don't have to unfriend them. Just hide them from showing up in your newsfeed. Voila, no negativity but without the possible drama of the 'unfriending'!

#4 Twitter has lists too!

Depending on how much your people tweet, a lot of good tweets might go unseen and it can be a lot of work to individually visit people's twitter profiles so you don't miss anything. Create a list so you can easily keep up!

Go to your buddy's twitter page, click on the sillouette of a human bust, and then click "Add or remove from lists..."

Create a list or add certain people to your already existing list. Awesome people are everywhere! It also helps keep up with your favorite bloggers, musicians, and generally other fantastic people.

You can find your lists by going to your Twitter homepage, clicking on "Lists" and then clicking on the title of the list. There you will find the twitter feeds from all of those people you want to connect with, without the clutter!

#5 What's your favorite way to keep social media positive?

I'd love to hear how you keep your online time positive and happy inducing! Share in the comments or let me know on Facebook!

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Self Love Assignment: Your Self Love Song

I remember the summer of 2004 well. Alanis Morissette's latest album So-Called Chaos had just been released and it was perpetually playing in my walkman.

That was a pretty bad time for me.

Days after graduating high school, my family and I picked up and moved across the country.

The stress and upheaval of the move devastated me and triggered my stress and depression in a horrible way.

I became borderline agoraphobic. I was in a new state with no friends and living with my family who I wasn't on good terms with. I didn't think I was smart enough to go to college and The Depression stripped me of any drive or desire to try. The thought of getting my first ever job crippled me with even more stress and anxiety.

In the two years after the move I rarely left the house. Eventually, I started taking short walks around the block, Alanis Morissette blaring in my ears. I fell head over heels in love with her song "Everything".

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I remember thinking with my whole entire heart that I wanted someone to love me. To save me from the despair that I was feeling, to make me feel better. I wanted someone to love me even though I felt like a completely 'effed up mess of a human being. That song was my lifeline of what my life could be like if only someone would find me worth loving.

Fast forward nine years!

A few days ago, my mp3 player bit the dust and as I was adding music to my new one, I realized there were tons of songs I hadn't listened to in years. 

I heard the song again.

And I had that moment.

A moment.

Where everything just stops and you get smacked upside the head with a 2x4 of wowage. The song took on a whole new meaning and it was one of those moments when you feel like bursting into tears because it is so perfect and real and you realizing that something amazing has been unearthed within you.

That song is about how I feel about myself. How unconditionally I love myself. It never falters. I have realized that I am never leaving myself to flounder in self-hate and loathing. I am here for the long run. Every single wish that I had nine years ago has manifested in the love I have found for myself.

I have a Self Love assignment for you!

What song best describes your relationship with yourself? 

Share with me and let me know what your self love song is!

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Be Free + Be Brave.

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The Self Love Decree!

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Love and Value Yourself!

My number one goal/mission/purpose in life is to encourage women to love themselves and to have good self-esteem and a positive self-image. It sounds so simple: Love yourself.

But when you really think about it, it encompasses so much and it can completely change the world.

If you think about all of the problems that stem from women and girls not loving themselves you get the bigger picture. When you don't love yourself, you tend to have low self-esteem and self-worth. We're talking teen pregnancies, domestic violence, bullying, suicide, and those are the big issues. There's also just everyday unhappiness. I'm trying to do my part, however itsy bitsy, to change that.

If I can show one woman that her happiness isn't defined by some guy giving her attention then I am doing what I need to do. If I can show one woman that she doesn't have to act out and treat other people badly to make herself feel good, then I am serving my purpose. If I can show just one woman that there are beautiful and amazing things inside of her and that she's totally awesome, then I have done exactly what I set out to do.

Loving yourself, encouraging others to love themselves, seriously changes the world.

It causes a ripple effect that moves out to the other women in your life. Showing them that they too can shine and be happy. If you are worthy of love then maybe they are too.

That is my gift to you. That is your gift to the world. I created the ABC's of Self Love to give you a free resource that shows you what self love emcompasses. It's not about getting your hair done or having a spa date, it's about facing some really deep and hard issues in your life. Boundaries, Value, Intimacy, Loving your body and so much more.

Download my free e-book, feel free to share it with your tribe, your sisterhood, your friends, even your daughters.

You are worth loving and so are they!

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