Today's prompt is "What or whom do you wish to make peace with." I had to think on this for a little bit because I realized that there is a lot of stuff hanging around in my 'ol noggin' that I need to make peace with.
However, I decided on making peace with myself. The me from seven years ago. I still carry her with me sometimes and I realize that it is time to make peace with her and let her go.
Seven years ago when I was 19 I had my very first relationship, he also happened to be married. That whole situation, all two years' worth, defined me for a very long time.
I carried around a lot of guilt and anger, but more than that, I used it as an excuse. I used it as proof that no one was ever going to really love me. That I was not worth anything. It 'proved' once and for all that I was worthless, stupid, naive, gullible, broken, fat, ugly, and weak. I can't even begin to guess how many times I spent laying on the floor sobbing.
I still carry that with me. I still feel a lot of shame. I look back at that time and I feel so angry with myself for so much wasted potential. It's been five years and I still carry shadows of it with me. I still spend time wishing I could go back and change things.
It happened. It's over. It's time to let go. The past doesn't define me.
I wish to make peace with that.
p.s. Please check out my blog post 39 Things You Need to Know in 2012 and share with all your friends and fans.
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