The Caged Bird

Good afternoon Dearhearts! I'm nursing a headache at the moment but you know how it is when your Muse goes dancing through your head and you just have to listen. Muses do not like being ignored. So I have my lemongrass candle, incense, deep breaths, and a big bottle of water, hoping that these things will soothe my head and let this post out. If it's all over the place, my brain apologizes!


On Wednesday I had a dream, which is usually nothing special, but this was. I felt like this was a dream from my spirit guides, the Universe, my higher self, whatever you want to call that all-knowing entity. This was a dream that was meant to teach. 


Myself and a wizard (because all good dreams have wizards and magical people) were given this bird cage with a yellow canary inside of it. We were teleported to this ravaged countryside and told to find something wooden or metal to break open the cage so the bird could get out and fly free. 


The countryside was gray and brown and dark. There were broken, abandoned, cottages littering the land. It was quiet and empty. It felt like I had to hurry. Like something was coming, something big, bad, and scary. After many attempts of trying different things, big sticks, wooden posts, big pieces of metal, of beating that cage, I finally broke it open, but the bird didn't fly out. I remember feeling this sense of dread and panic as the wizard and I knelt down on the ground and I looked inside, fearing that I had killed the bird.


Lying on the bottom of the cage, so frightened she was paralyzed was the little yellow bird. I remember watching her chest move up and down so fast, her eyes looking into mine, terrified, and I knew right then she was never going to fly out. The only way she was ever leaving the cage was if I reached in there and pulled her out. I had failed the quest.


So I've been thinking about this dream for the last few days. What it meant, what it should teach me. At first my interpretation was easy. The ravaged countryside represents that I think that freedom = chaos and disorder. Being confined equals safety to me. Which was my subconscious telling me that I fear feeling free.


Thinking upon it further I'm not sure it's that easy. I think that the message is that I need freedom, it's scary, even terrifying at times, but I need it. I probably shouldn't go about bashing my cage to get out, but I need out, eventually, in my own time. I need out. It's happening slowly, I've come out of my cage in so many ways lately and sometimes I do get scared and insecure that maybe the me that I want to be isn't the me that I'm supposed to be.


Maybe I'm meant to be the bookworm who doesn't talk to anyone and never wants to go out and is content to play World of Warcraft all day by herself and do jigsaw puzzles while watching Tv on the weekends because people suck, dontcha know?


I just need to take notice of how I feel, keep track of the feeling of overwhelm and ask myself why? 


I just realized something important. 


I've made so many new friends lately, something new and exciting to me, and sometimes I find myself wanting to revert back into that "cage" because it's easy, it's comfortable, it's what I know. Am I worthy of so many wonderful people? Do they really like me? Would they still if they knew what does on in my head? I'm sure these things are normal and this is a growing pain so I'm going to ride it through.


Any advice or interpretations you'd like to share dear? I'd love a fresh outlook. 


Big hugs Loves!