Silence

The above picture was taken this morning as I sat outside and watched the sun rise. The first sunrise of the month of June. Absolute gloriousness! I shall let you in on a secret darling readers... it's going to be a magical month! It's going to be an amazing month! Would you like to know why? Of course you do! It's going to be magical and amazing because I say so.

Yep yep!

That reason might not fly with anyone above the age of two but lemme tell you, it's going to work. This is going to be a great month. I've decided that this month I'm going to fall madly, deeply, head-over-heels, over the moon, planets colliding, IN LOVE. I'm sure you are on the edge of your seat wondering "who?" right? The answer is ME! I've been 'with' myself for so long that the relationship fell apart. I stopped paying attention to Dominee, I stopped listening to what she wanted, I looked for love and reassurance outside of her, putting so much energy into making other people happy while forgetting about all the things we've been through and all the years she was there for me. I think she's quite fed up and ready to divorce me if I don't change my ways! Change them I shall!

I'm not saying it's going to be easy, no relationship is, but it's so worth it. I'm sure there will be moments when I feel bad about myself, when I don't feel 'good enough' when I think or feel negative things about myself. I'll get through them and I'll move on. I'm putting this out here so that I hold myself accountable and I don't lose track of the goal. Happy happy happiness!

I've had a problem with anxiety lately. Especially when I'm at home. Silence upsets me a lot. I find it impossible to sit in silence, there must be music, or tv, or some sort of distracting sound so I'm not left alone with my thoughts. I suppose it's an avoidance technique so I don't deal with issues in my life but it's really no good to start freaking out if there's no sound. I'm working on this and by the end of the month I intend to be fully prepared to just... soak in silence.

Today I had a wonderful day. I went to the park on a date with myself, with a lunch and sat under a very shaded picnic table and it was wonderful. Hours sitting there reading with no sounds other than the few people who were walking dogs and the sound of the birds. It was heavenly to sit there with my romance novel and fill the empty, silent, park with the sounds of my giggles. At one point this man and his two little kids, they were probably three and five, walked past and the little girl became very interested in my big bag of blue cotton candy. I asked their Dad if I could share and he said it was okay, I don't think he had a choice because both of them looked like they were going to attack me for it. It was gloriously wonderful to share and have them be delighted. It made my day.

As I was walking home (without the company of music from my mp3 player) I ran into this woman who was walking to work and we chatted for a few minutes and she was just lovely company. It made me happy that I hadn't been lost in the sound of my music. The rest of my walk was filled with happy, pleasant, thoughts, and the silence wasn't so bad.

If today is any indication this is going to be a good month. I challenge everyone to spend this month getting re-acquainted with yourself, loving yourself, and spending a little bit of time in silence.