Sisterhood: We are all one.

One thing that I have struggled with over and over again is forming bonds of sisterhood, at least out here in the real world. It has always bothered me and it has always felt like there was something missing in me. Some trait or skill that was lacking inside of me. Oh the joys of being an introvert.

How many of you find it easier to connect guys? 

I do. I feel like it's so easier to connect with guys. Friendships are easier, based on joking, and having fun, and I always know where I stand with them. Problems are solved with a fistbump or a good natured punch on the arm. They don't offend easily and their feelings are a  bit harder to hurt. Of course I'm generalizing a bit but that's been my experience. I always know where I stand with the guys.

Women absolutely terrify me. I never know what to say, I don't feel comfortable joking with them unless I know them very well and it's hard for me to know people unless I am able to joke with them. Once you get past that hurdle there's the work of keeping the friendship going. Making sure that you don't commit any of those friendship faux pas that you don't even know about until you're confronted with them.

I have a confession.

I'm a little bit wounded.

A few years ago I had a best friend. She introduced me to one of her friends and I became friends with her too. I had a falling out with the best friend and stayed friends with her friend. Imagine my horror and embarrassment when I learned that they were at a get-together one night and thought to entertain everyone by reading my text messages and twitter feed out loud while making fun of me in front of a group of people. My faith in female friendships died in that moment.

I haven't had a strong female friendship since. 

I have been blessed by so many wonderful online friendships and connections but it's still in the back of mind: don't get too close, don't get too attached.

I've had a surprising revelation lately.

I want, I need, to heal that wound. I want, and need, to help others heal that wound. It's been in my head for the last few weeks, start a Woman's Circle. To which I answer back, "I'm afraid". What if I do it and the fear overwhelms me and I quit? What if I'm just not cut out for it? What if I won't be good at it? What if I'm meant to be a lone ranger? What if...

Gotta push past the fear right? Especially when you know it feels like it's meant to be.

I've bought the domain soulsisterhoodonline.com and at some point in the year it's going to become a reality. 

An online Women's Circle. First and foremost I want it to be about forming bonds of friendship and sisterhood. So many women needlessly feel alone and friendless and that's just plain ridiculous. I also want it to be a safe place to talk about self improvement and our individual journeys.

Big scary dream.

I think the most important thing to remember is that we are all one, we are all part of the whole, we are all connected and a part of each other. There doesn't have to be distance, there doesn't have to be hurt, and it is within our power to heal that.

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What my life looked like before Self Love.

I'm a pretty big self love advocate (just in case you've been hiding under a rock somewhere and didn't know). It's what I want to do for the rest of my life, encouraging women to discover the ability to love who they are.

This path hasn't been easy. I haven't always loved myself, in fact I have downright hated myself, loathed myself, and wished that there was some way I could erase my existence. I don't like the thought of other women feeling that way. I want to smooth the path for that transition of hate to love and provide resources to make it nourishing. I'm pretty sure that I have the best job in the entire world.

I want to tell you what my life looked like before.

My apartment looked like something out of Hoarders.

Maybe not as bad but it was pretty close. Dirty dishes in the sink that had been there for months and months. Used paper plates thrown haphazardly on the floor. Stains on the carpet and furniture because when something spilled I didn't care enough to clean it up. Clothes everywhere, piles of empty pizza boxes, and bags of trash that I didn't care enough to take out to the dumpster. Anyone looking at that scene would just think how lazy and sloppy I was.

In truth, I was depressed and I found it hard to care about anything. Apathy and lethargy were my best friends.

I look back now and I wonder how I could live that way. I see so many connections with what was going on inside of me and what was manifesting in my home. I didn't feel like I was worthy of a safe space, a comforting space, or a space that made me feel good about myself. Realizing that I do deserve those things, realizing that I am lovable and my home should be lovable and I am allowed to love and be proud of my home, is part of what self love has given me.

I ate my feelings and I had a lot of feelings.

I had no concept of self control or nutritional awareness when it came to food. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, and I didn't care how bad it was for me. If I wanted to eat a whole package of bacon for dinner, I did. I ate pizza all of the time, ice cream, cookies, and chips were my major food groups and it never bothered me. I never moved, I never exercised, I sat in front of the TV or played computer games and that was my life and I just didn't care.

How I treated my body was another indicator of how little I cared about myself.

I surrounded myself with people that didn't love me.

This one still frustrates me, there's still lingering dread when thinking about the people that I used to let into my life. When I was nineteen I had my first ever relationship and he happened to be married. Being the "other woman" had an extremely destructive impact on my life. It was the first time I had ever been in love, ever been kissed, ever felt like someone actually cared about me and in the end, it reinforced every bad thing I had ever thought about myself.

Two years later I was still the other woman. I had given him over at thousand dollars in an effort to help him get his life together and move out. I had been lied to more times than I thought possible. I had been 'cheated' on. I had been mentally and emotionally manipulated and verbally abused. I stayed in that relationship because I was completely and wholly convinced that it was all I was going to have because no one else would love me and when he finally left his wife? Only then would I have proof that I was worth something. (spoiler alert: he never left her for me)

That is how little I loved and valued myself.

I hurt my body on purpose. (This part contains triggers)

This one is harder to talk about. I used to cut myself... a lot. One of my ways to self-injure was to cut words into my skin. Even though it's been about four years now, I still bear scars on my thighs that say 'broken, 'unloved', 'worthless' and a slew of other terrible things that I felt defined me. I think it was my way of punishing myself for being a terrible human being. Looking back, I know that I wasn't a bad person. I did bad things, but in the end I was a sad, broken, lonely girl. I no longer feel rage at myself for what I used to be. I feel a lot of sympathy and a lot of compassion. Now I look at those words that mark my skin and they don't have meaning to me anymore.

They just serve as a reminder of the things that I am not.

So that's my story.

I feel that it's important to share because I know how hard it is. I've been there at the bottom, I've hated myself and my body in some of the worst ways that you can and I bounced back. I didn't let it be the end of my story, I didn't let it define me, I didn't let it stop me from being more than I ever thought that I could be. I never thought life could be this good and it is. I've been happy for the first time in a very long time. I'm healthy, emotionally, mentally, and physically. I can look in the mirror and be okay with what I see and all of that started with a choice.

I decided that I needed to change my life.

So I did. It wasn't easy. I had to choose to acknowledge that I was depressed and find ways to cope with it. I had to choose to start seeing my body as something that was deserving of love and make that change. I had to choose to cut the negative people out of my life. All of those things were hard and it got worse before it got better. But now it's better. The really bad stuff took place about five years ago but I still had a lot of stuff to work through two years ago, I still have a lot of stuff to work through today but I know I am strong enough to do the work.

I totally and completely believe in myself and I believe in you too.

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Trust your intuition, even when it hurts.

True story ya know. In the end life will be so much easier. We always know what to do, the knowledge, the wisdom, it's there, lurking inside of us. The hard part, the part that hangs us up, is when our intuition tells us what we don't really want to do. When it tells us things that will hurt, that will be difficult, we have to listen anyway.

Always listen.

Lots of love to you.

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I Want You to Love Your Body Because...

It's yours and it's beautiful.

Your body is beautiful because it allows your heart to beat, it allows your arms to hold and your feet to move. It allows you to do things that you'd never be able to do if you were just a mind or just a soul. You get to experience so much because your body exists.

Without your body where would you be?

I get asked all of the time, "How do I love my body?" It's a really simple answer, but I know it's hard to put it into practice. It took me a long time to get the hang of it. It all starts and ends with unconditional love. Unconditional love is affection with no limits or conditions; complete love. I love my body even on days where I feel "fat". I love my body when my feet hurt. I love my body when I am sick. I love my body at all times.

I like to put it in terms that people can connect with on a deep level. If you're a mother I want you to think of the first time you held your baby. Chances are, you fell instantly in love. Why is that? Because your baby was part of you, part of you partner, instantly worth loving just for the simple fact that he or she existed and was yours.

What about your partner? Do you spend massive amounts of time and energy trying to get them to look like Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie? Why not? That's the kind of person that we see in magazines and in the movies, that's what society tells us we should want in a leading man or lady. But I'd imagine that you love and accept them anyway.

It doesn't make you love them or their body any less does it?

So why do we constantly feel like our bodies are not good enough?

Why isn't it worthy of unconditional love? What has it done to make itself worthy of hate or disappoint or disgust?

I think that is the question that needs answered and sometimes that takes a lot of deep inner work. Do that work. Figure that out for yourself. Discover what's keeping you from looking in the mirror and being happy.

Your body is worthy of love simply because it is. Simply because it exists. Simply because it is part of you.

Maybe you want to lose weight, or gain weight, or shave your legs, or dye your hair, or build muscle, or get rid of scars, but at the end of the day, nothing essential changes. It's still a body and it still belongs to you.

Stop looking for reasons to hate your body.

Start seeing that there are so many reasons why it's worth loving right now, in this very instance, no matter what it looks like.

Your body is sacred. 

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Animal Magic: Seal - embracing playfulness and creativity!

Seals are sea mammals that spend most of their time in the water. They are most often found in the Arctic and Antarctic which is why I wanted to talk about them today, I dunno about you but I'm feeling kinda chilled and so ready for Spring to arrive!

Since Seal is primarily a water dwelling animal this tells us that much of what he represents is going to involve the realm of emotions. 

Seal's message to us is to listen to our inner voice and to embrace our imagination. Learn to play, to dance, to move gracefully through your surroundings. Think of the balance between survival and rolling joyfully through the snow. Don't get so caught up in survival or the day-to-day, that you forget to do a few twirls in the water... err... you know what I mean. Live in the moment and enjoy it.

Swim with the current. Release negative feelings, fear, and anxiety. Review the ebb and flow of your thoughts.

It's around the time when we start missing the sun, missing the warmth of the rays on our skin, Winter is the time to reflect and embrace the darkness. Seal reminds us that there must be a balance. Allow your imagination to take control every once and awhile, let go of the heaviness. Allow yourself to have big dreams and to run after those dreams.

You can meditate with Seal to help your dreams become vivid and more significant. If you need to be inspired then take some time to do a Seal meditation. Imagine yourself swimming under the sea with Seal, all of the endless possibilities opening up before you. The beauty of the water, the snow, glaciers, the feeling of the water rushing over your body.

Journaling Prompts:

How do you allow yourself to be creative?
Do you make time to be playful or are you a serious sort of person?
Do you allow yourself to use your imagination or do you find yourself firmly planted in reality?
Imagine that you could do anything or be anything, write about it.
Are you able to allow yourself to be quiet and listen to your instincts?

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A Soft Place To Land

As I'm sure you are aware, I sometimes suffer from Depression. Oh she's a mean one she is. Lately she stops by for short visits, a day or two here and there, but she packs quite a nasty punch.

Yesterday at work I was minding my own business when she decided to pay me a visit.

Inconsiderate asshat she is.

So one thing goes wrong and then another and another. I experience that horrible domino effect. One thing goes wrong, you shrug it off. Second thing goes wrong, you roll with the punches, by the third one you're sitting in the corner rocking back and forth promising the Universe that you'll be a good girl from now on as long as it stops punishing you for whatever you must've done.

I have a million ways to combat the depression. They work at different times, in different situations, for different reasons. Some are teeny tiny (a half hour of meditation and deep deep breathing) and others are a bit more complicated (three day vacation away from everyone and everything). There is one thing that I have been so thankful for because it is the basis for a lot of the things that help.

A soft place to land.

I come home, after a terrible night at work and I walk into my apartment. Instantly I am enveloped in warmth and the smell of whatever essential oil I'm obsessed with at the moment (sweet orange if you're interested). I sit down on my comfy couch that's heaped with more fuzzy, soft, blankets than anyone needs. It's right next to the window with the sheer curtains that let in the morning sunlight and the tree beyond houses birds that sing cheerily to me.

It's time for a nice relaxing bath so I go into my bathroom. The candles are already there waiting to be lit, the myriad of bath products in the cabinet waiting to be used, fluffy clean towels waiting to wrap me up.

When I'm done I head to my bed, topped with lots of blankets, and satin sheets sprayed with lavender, and my huge pink, fluffy, unicorn. I have my nightstand where unread books sit just waiting to be read, or my phone nearby to play mindless games of relaxing solitaire, or the cd player with the meditations and nature sounds.

This is my soft place to land.

No matter what's going on in the outside world, no matter what's going on inside of me, I have a place that is waiting to comfort me and cater to my needs. It's waiting for me to come home to, it's there so that I can feel safe and secure, swaddled in comfort.

We all need a place like that.

I've been spending a lot of time on pinterest and it's a great place to look for ideas. Even if you don't have the resources to put those ideas into action just looking at a picture, allowing your mind to transport yourself there, can help in bits and pieces.

Your Self Love Assignment for today: Do something to create a happy place for yourself. Even if you aren't having a crappy day right now make sure that in the event that a crappy day lands in your lap you have at least one thing going for you, a soft place to land.

What does your soft place to land look like? Is it your home? A special place out in nature? A room that's set up just for you? A happy place in your imagination?

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Putting Yourself Out There

One of the things that I am really proud of is my ability to put it all out there.

Unapologetically. (Mostly) Fearlessly. And Honestly.

It's one of the things that I love about myself and that others love and admire about me as well. Want to know a secret?

I'm a rather private person.

I know you're thinking "But Dominee, you share stuff all the time." It's true here, this is my safe space, with my heart-tribe, where my reservations jump out of the window. In my day-to-day life I am not used to sharing, I'm not used to being an open book, and actually talking about myself and my experiences and my secrets? It's nearly unheard of.

So how do I do it? It's hard sometimes. The things I share are sometimes my deepest darkest shames and secrets or my wildest dreams. It's hard to put that out there, especially on the internet where anyone can see it. It's scary and makes me feel fragile and vulnerable but do you want to know what else it makes me feel?

Liberated, free, inspiring.

Everytime I'm about to hit that 'publish' button and I get that semi-queasy feeling I remember why I do it and how good it feels when I do.

Am I afraid that everyone thinks what I do sucks? That I'm being silly and pointless? That nothing that I do makes a difference? That I'm just wasting my time? That everyone else is so much better and I am just-not-good-enough? Yeah, sometimes I do but I show up anyway. I push past those fears, I put them in a time-out corner and I go about my business.

How do you put yourself out there in a way that feels good?

Find the right tribe.

This just isn't from a business perspective. This is big life stuff. Tell your truths and your stories to the right people. Back when I was in the depths of depression I was needy and desperate for a friend. I latched on to the first person that I could, told them my entire life story, and then wondered why my story wasn't honored. Things got told to other people, or misconstrued, I got made fun of, I got belittled and I didn't understand why.

I wasn't trusting the right people.

This also translates to the blog. I think that I attract a certain kind of person. Compassionate, lovely, souls who aren't quick to pass judgement and who listen with empathy and thoughtfulness  In the almost two years since I've started this blog I don't believe that I've ever had a mean spirited or belittling comment (Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself!).

Know what kind of people you want to attract both in your life and in your business!

Change up the what-ifs.

You're afraid of putting yourself out there. What if they don't get you? What if you aren't taken seriously? What if you are a colossal failure of epic proportions? What if... what if... what if...

What if what you want to say will touch someone? What if it will make someone feel less alone? What if it will inspire change in someone? What if you will be wholly and fully accepted? What if the burden will be lifted?

There's always the chance that you won't be well-received, that someone just won't get it, but there's also the chance that great things will happen.

Go within.

If you feel afraid about putting yourself out there ask yourself why. What are you most of afraid of? Is that a valid fear? Also ask yourself why you want to share something. Are you seeking validation or approval? (we all do sometimes and that's okay) Are you wanting to unburden yourself? Are you wanting to share for some greater purpose?

Once you are firm on your purpose it's easier to let it out into the world.

Be aware and be honest.

Trust your intuition and just do it.

Tell someone that you love them. Reconnect with someone you miss. Write that thing that you've been wanting to write. Say that thing you've been needing to say.

Do something that you know deep down in your bones that you are meant to do.

Be Brave.

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Goddess Wisdom: Hebe's Story

I've been feeling really drawn lately to my oracle cards, especially the Ancient Feminine Wisdom of Goddesses and Heroines deck. I thought it would be nice to feature the story of one of these Goddesses and Heroines every once and awhile. If you like the format let me know, it might be a new thang.

Her Story.

Hebe was kinda like the maidservant of Mount Olympus. She was the little sister, the young daughter of Zeus and Hera, representing innocence and youth.

She would prepare chariots, help her brother Ares to dress, and she served the Gods their Nectar coining her the Cup-bearer. She also served them Ambrosia, the food that kept them immortal, earning her the title of Goddess of Youth.

Hebe was the daughter of Zeus and Hera and when her time in service was complete she became the second wife to Hercules and he too, became immortal.

Hebe was also worshiped as a goddess of pardons or forgiveness. It is said that when prisoners were released they would hang their chains on her statue. Hebe represents all that is sweet and good in the world.

What she teaches us.

Hebe teaches us the power of being in service. There is something to be said for being wild, bright, and bigger than life, but there needs to be balance. There's always someone behind the scenes, and even though her role may be small it is no less important.

In her role as the Keeper of Ambrosia she encourages us to seek immortality but to also get in touch with our youth and innocence. She is all that is good and sweet in the world, she isn't jaded by life, she looks forward and sees a clean slate and limitless possibilities for all.

Journaling Prompts.

In what ways are you going to live on in immortality? What is your legacy?
What things nourish your spirit?
What do you need to forgive or pardon?
How can you embrace youth and innocence today?

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I Adore Amethyst!

As I struggle this week with anxiety, I find myself turning to my crystal healers. I love crystals and stones. At the moment celestite and Amethyst are the ones that I find myself being drawn to.

Amethyst is a great stone for keeping calm and healing anxiety. 

Aside from Quartz Crystal, Amethyst is one of the first crystals that I ever worked with and I think that it's great for beginners. If you are just starting out on your crystal journey I definitely recommend you get a small chunk or a tumbled stone to play around with.

Amethyst is probably one of the most popular crystals today. It is a beautiful purple color and is very easy to recognize, as well as find, in shops. Amethyst is an extremely powerful, spiritual, and protective crystal. It is wonderful at blocking negative energy and promoting a peaceful environment. It's also a great assistant at healing problems with addiction.

Amethyst balances highs and lows and promotes emotional wellness. It dispels anger, fear, and anxiety as well as alleviating sadness and grief. It will help you come to terms with grief and heartbreak as well, so if that's something you are dealing with you should find an amethyst pendant to wear close to your heart.

Amethyst will also help you to have sweet dreams and relax you. If you suffer from nightmares or restless sleep you might try putting a tumbled stone in your pillowcase or on the headboard of your bed.

How I'm using Amethyst

I've been sleeping with a chunk of raw amethyst on the window sill right above my bed. So far the anxiety has been kept at bay when I'm falling asleep and through dream time.

I have my daily ritual of reading in bed before I go to sleep. If the book is not keeping my attention anxious thoughts begin to creep in. I take the amethyst, lay down, sit it on my heart, and take deep breaths while I repeat to myself "Everything is going to be okay." Score one for positive thinking.

While taking a relaxing bath, which I do every day because it's part of my self care routine, I sit tumbled amethyst around the edge of the tub to create even more relaxation.

I also carry tumbled stones in my pocket! As you can see I really love amethyst and I think it helps me to keep my grasp on sanity and not run around my room yanking my hair out.

Do you like amethyst? What's your favorite stone? 

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What are your Valentine's Day Plans?

Happy February! What are your fabulous plans for the month? Hopefully you're filling out your Self Love Planner and planning your Big Self Care and your Word-of-the-Month.

Ya know, Valentine's Day is coming up!

If you've checked your email this morning hopefully you saw your Blessing Manifesting Surprise!

Surprise #1 

The FREE Be Your Own Valentine ebook has arrived. It's full of tips to make your Valentine's Day the best day ever. Sign up for the Newsletter and it's all yours! I can't wait for you to read it and share your plans with me! I want everyone to have a wonderful day. If you are single, married, or something in between, I want you to have a great day. I want that to be my gift to you!

Surprise #2

I haz Valentine's Day cards for you! They are perfect to print out, cut out, and pass around to the people in your life that just ooze awesomeness! 

Surprise #3

I've been having some fabulous responses to my 2013 Self Love Planner! You can watch a video review, take a look at the testimonial page, or check it out for yourself! Since it's almost Valentine's Day, and Self Love is very important, I'm offering the Planner for 50% off until 02/14. Use the code: BEMINE at checkout and you can get the planner for $6.50! I hope that you love it!

Surprise #4

I am so excited to announce the Blessing Manifesting Zazzle Shop. YAY! I plan to design inspirational t-shirts to make the world all bright and shiny, just the way I like it. I upload my designs to Zazzle and then Zazzle takes care of everything else. I get a 10% royalty for each product. Great stuff! I hope you enjoy and if there's something you want to see, let me know!

My Valentine's Day plan? I'm going to go see Warm Bodies! Love Story + Zombies, can you really go wrong there? I don't think so!

What are your plans for Valentine's Day?

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What Anxiety Looks Like Right Now

It's no secret that I struggle with anxiety and depression. The depression has been a seldom-seen house guest in the last few years. Anxiety stops by more occasionally. We have tea together and then I try to smash plates over her head until she leaves me alone.

Lately, I've been feeling anxious.

My day job has been stressing me out. Most of the time I really like it. I work in a store, stocking different products. It's mundane, it can be boring, but at the end of the day I feel good about how hard I work and I love my coworkers.

The last few months have brought lots of management changes and I am not enjoying it. I feel like I'm being walked on and taken advantage of. Both of the new managers have been managers that I've had before, years ago, and I have truly enjoyed them as people. This time around things have not been going very well.

I realize that I have changed over the years, my priorities have shifted, I've created boundaries. I no longer feel okay being taken advantage of and being asked to do much more than my fair share and those boundaries are being tested.

It has caused me a lot of anxiety but I've been taking the time to deal with it.

The first thing that I've been doing is trying to stay connected to the moment. Most of the time the moment isn't bad even if the big picture isn't all that pretty.

Putting my hand over my heart and taking deep breaths. I love laying still and feeling my heart beat. When I'm having a tense moment of anxiety I place my hand over my heart and then lightly tap my fingers on my chest. Doing that brings me back to the moment.

I keep my prayer beads, my japa mala, in my pocket. Sometimes just reaching into my pocket and feeling the beads helps, other times taking out the beads and doing a quick repetition soothes my soul in amazing ways.

I listen to music that makes my soul happy. I have been listening to a lot of Nirinjan Kaur Khalsa, that woman's voice does happy things to my insides.

I look at all of the things that are going right in my life. All of the beautiful gifts that I have been given, the friends that I have been blessed with, the deep wisdom that I have developed about myself and my needs.

I refuse to give in to the anxiety. It might not go away when I want it to, but I don't give up on trying.

How do you deal with anxiety, especially in the workplace?

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