Strangely Lonely
Message: Holding on way too tight
Today, after a week where love was a big focus, this card really resonated with me and I hope it does with you as well. It is about holding on to something so tight that it creates a barrier between you and the rest of the world.
I am an expert at this.
You see, I have pretty bad abandonment issues. I have never met my biological father and after a few attempts to contact him as a teenager that met with rejection, it became too difficult to deal with it to attempt it again. Growing up, I was very close to my Grandfather. After my Grandmother died when I was 11, I never saw him again. I distinctly remember my mother saying that he had moved on and he didn't love us anymore. This really laid the foundation for how I feel about love and my difficulty in believing that it could ever be more than a passing thing.
You'd think that this would make me jaded, and it has. I use those childhood wounds as a barrier between myself and my relationships. The minute that I feel comfortable with a friendship or a relationship those fears come back and I create barriers. I jump into my spirituality, my work, or video games so that I don't "need" that relationship so much. Loneliness still exists there.
I hold on way too tight to the fear that if the people who were "supposed" to love me, didn't, then there's no way that someone would love me of their own free will. Heavy stuff.
Strangely Lonely asks us this:
Is there something that you are holding on to that is creating a barrier between you and your relationships?
Is there a way that you can let go just a little bit?
Give yourself room to mindfully love someone else, to interact and engage with them. Let go of your security blanket, even if it's only for a few moments.
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